“Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life’s problems.” — Matt Groening
I’ll drink to that. And while we’re at it, let’s have a very important discussion about that good old habit of having the “drunchies.”(For those who are unaware, drunchies are drunk munchies.) We did it in high school after swapping our parents peach schnapps. We did it in college after dancing on the bar, and now we’re doing it again at whatever the heck this stage of life happens to be.
After an alcohol-fueled night, we often find ourselves making bad choices. You could call your ex-boyfriend trying to explain that you still love him, but like as a friend and not romantically. A better option is eating an entire box of Cheeze-Its at 2am like they’re going out of style (preferable to the former, though not by much). An even better option is making neither of these poor choices.
While I have no direction to give on the former, I can certainly give some advice on dealing with the latter.
Eat a real dinner:
Alcohol is filled with calories, as is food. It might sound reasonable to skip dinner and go straight to the alcohol. Not only will you get drunk faster (which means less money), that also means less calories in the long run, right?
Actually, no. While skipping a meal may save you pennies on the alcohol front, you’ll likely eat more calories in the long run.
You go out on an empty stomach, drink everybody under the table, get super wasted, and now you want tacos. Naturally, drunk you is going to go straight for those tacos.
This is what you look like after a night at the bar on an empty stomach:
Fill your stomach before you go out to both keep you level-headed longer and keep you full. Your stomach and your dignity will thank you for it.
Bring cash:
Waking up a hundred dollars poorer after a night you don’t even remember is a terrible feeling. You can’t spend a hundred dollars if you only have a twenty in your pocket. That’s eighty imaginary dollars sitting in the back where it belongs.
At the start of the night, set a limit on how much you’ll spend. Bring that with you in cash, spend it all at the bar (because you already know you will), and then there’s no way you can possibly spend money on tacos as you walk home. See, problem solved.
Keep healthy food in the house:
Say you eat a full meal before you go out and you also manage to bring enough cash with you to have a good night but not so much that you buy the entire Pizza Hut on the way home. You still risk running to the fridge.
The solution to this is one that most adults should probably comply with. Keep healthy food in the house, not just for those late night drunchies, but also because you are a real-live rent-paying adult and potato chips will never count as a suitable option.
Get a friend in on this one with you:
(Even better if it’s a roommate.)
Girls work better in packs (that’s why we’ll never be caught going to the bathroom alone). If you have support and somebody who’s encouraging you to stay away from the munchies too, you can make through the night much easier.
Go straight to bed:
As soon as you get home, you may want to watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians because the only acceptable time to watch that heinous show is when you’ve had copious amounts of alcohol.
However, if you start filling your mind with the television equivalent of junk food, soon you’ll want to fill your stomach with it too. Do society a favor and go to bed. Go straight to be, do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Don’t drink too much:
*Gasp*
“What did she just say?”
“I think she implied it would be best to keep the drinking to a minimum. Why would she say a bizzare thing like that?”
Yes, friends, that is absolutely what I implied. Do your waistline and your liver a favor. If you want to have a healthy night out, keep the drinks down low. Please tell me you aren’t so much of an alcoholic that you can’t go out and have a good time without being plastered.
This not only solves the issues of having the drunchies and spending tons of money, it also fixes the problem with texting the ex.
[Featured Image Credit: StonerCulture.com]