It’s a real thing, I swear.
Okay, maybe I’m lying just a tad.
I’m sure you’ve all heard of Seasonal Affect Disorder (appropriately called SAD), a type of depression that typically occurs during the winter when sunlight is sparse and nights seem never-ending. Well, kiddies, much like SAD, there is a new seasonal disorder (that I just made up) and I’m calling it Seasonal Existentialism Disorder (SED).
SED can be characterized by that lingering feeling you get toward the end of the year. It’s the deep-rooted nagging that something just isn’t right. Add just a hint of vodka and you’re great Aunt Clarice asking why you still don’t have a man in your life and the sufferer will tumble into a helpless existential crisis that ends with asking everybody at the company Christmas party, “what is the meaning of life?”
Here are a few signs you may suffer from SED:
1. You’re feeling the glut of holiday loneliness:
For some reason, the holidays are marked with poinsettias, over-eating, and your weird relatives asking if you’ve found that special someone yet. Oddly enough, people condemn that last one more than the other two (even though poinsettias may kill your cat).
If you find yourself over-stuffing yourself with poinsettias as you hide from those weird relatives and wonder why you’re alone yet again for another holiday, you may be suffering from SED.
2. You question your spirituality:
Because that’s really what the holidays are all about, right? We come together as friends and family to pay respect to the Supreme Being that put us here or to simply spend quality time together. Whether it’s honoring the human qualities of that Higher Power, praising miracles performed, or simply sharing delicious food and drink, we like to focus our attention on gratitude, love, and appreciation during the holiday season.
Oh, wait, what’s that you say? The holidays are devoted to paying homage to the corporate gods of consumerism? This season is one of bowing down to the bank and making sacrificial offerings from our wallets?
Hmmm…if you find yourself questioning the purpose of the holidays and fed up with the consumerism associated with them, you may be suffering from SED.
3. You question what you’re doing with your life:
The great thing about the holidays is that they align with the end of the year giving you the perfect opportunity to look at the entire chunk of the past 12 months in hindsight, while you mingle with friends, family, and acquaintances.
It’s the perfect time to reflect on where you’ve been, where you would like to go, and how you are going to spend the next year.
Likewise, it’s the perfect opportunity to lust over Stacey’s GORGEOUS apartment, listen to her prattle on about her great new job, and drown your sorrows in eggnog.
The holidays can easily make us jealous and lore us into the trap of envy. Don’t let that happen. Aim for the former here, rather than the latter.
4. You start to make all those resolutions:
“Next year, I’m going to start working out everyday, I’m not going to blow all my money on shoes, and I’m going to stop dating terrible men.
But first, I need to buy an expensive pair of shoes that will make my legs look killer at the company Christmas party so I can seduce Craig from sales, who I swear, isn’t as slimy as people say he is.”
Yes, if you are thinking these mercurial thoughts, you are likely suffering from SED.
Just think, only 364 more days till you get to do it all again.
[Featured Image Credit: The Soul Coach]