Gents, it’s time we have a little talk about facial hair.
Girls these days are very interested in men with facial hair. We’re throwing it back to the 1860’s and going crazy for boys with beards. It’s a trend that’s been on the rise since late 2010 and while our future selves are going to look back on our current hair trends and utter “WTF,” current us love this look.
I’m tired of looking at baby-faced boys with naked faces. I need you to man up and grow some facial hair. A beard is the perfect accessory to any outfit and a razor has little reason to be in your medicine cabinet. Don’t throw it away entirely–there are some places that still require shaving. However, your face is not one of those places and here are ten reasons why.
1. It instantly ages you while making you look young:
Beards age you in the best way possible. They make you look mature and wise, while also covering the majority of your face. Only your eyes and nose are left to shine through the blessed forest of facial hair. The beard presents your youthful laughter in your look while you have the confident radiance of your beard that says, “I have life experience. Only people with life experience can grow a beard like this.”
Proof:
2. It makes you mysterious:
Women love a man of mystery. Beards are mysterious because they hide the faint lines of facial expression that shows on the skin beneath the surface. You could be hinting at a smile and we’d never know. Likewise, you might be frowning and we wouldn’t know that either. There’s so many questions lingering beneath that beard. It’s like wearing a Nancy Drew novel on your face.
3. It shows us you’re a patient person:
Growing a beard takes time and patience. Though I do not know from first hand experience, I hear growing a beard is an itchy task. Not only does it test your patience, it also tests your ability to deal with discomfort. We like patient boys who can put up with being uncomfortable.
4. Beards mean you built a house with your bare hands:
I’m going to cite The Notebook as a source here. In the beginning of the film, Noah Calhoun (played by Ryan Gosling), has not yet built (actually he restored) the house with his bare hands. Therefore, he has no beard. However, he then completes the old house and his magical and very sexy beard sprouts forth telling the audience he has achieved his purpose in life.
I think this scientific and highly accurate film is proof that beards mean you probably build houses with your bare hands. It’s fact there is nothing sexier than making love to a man in a house he built with his bare hands, preferably if he has a beard.
5. It removes your baby face:
There are those among us who suffer from baby face. I am one of those poor souls. I’m twenty-two but I’m still handed the kids’ menus when I go out to eat. (Things then get awkward when I show the waiter my ID and upon realizing I’m 22 and not 12, he begins to flirt with me.) If I could grow a beard, however, I would so I could send a clear signal to the world about my age.
Moral of this story: if you have a baby face, fix it with a beard.
6. It makes you look sexy:
I feel like I may have already said that beards make you instantly sexy, but I really can’t emphasize this enough. Bearded men are the attractive backbone of society (I don’t know how, they just are).
7. It makes you dress better:
Every outfit looks better with a beard and beards motivate men to dress better. A three-piece suit may look weird on a man without a beard, but add facial hair and that overdressed ogre just became a dapper dreamer.
Look at the casual yet sophisticated strut this bearded bro shows off:
8. It keeps women interested in you:
Women are drawn to bearded men. If you’re in a relationship, your significant other will feel she “bagged a decent dish.” If you’re single, the ladies will be very drawn to your salacious sex appeal.
It keeps the ladies interested long-term. Maintain your beard for a while and you’ll receive positive feedback. Suddenly shave the beard and the ladies will be lusting after you as they eagerly ask where it went and anticipating its regrowth.
9. It gives you character:
It doesn’t matter whether or not you can actually rock a guitar as well as you rock your beard. The beard itself simply gives the impression that you’re going to be playing in a Brooklyn dive bar this weekend with your electro-rap band that’s named after a prehistoric philosopher, because what’s more ironic than that? Amirite?
Simply put, the beard gives the impression that you’re the most interesting man in the world even if you are in fact not the most interesting man in the world.
10. It gives you confidence:
Maybe it has to do with the fact that you now have a furry facial mask to hide behind or maybe it’s because your masculinity is displayed on your face. Either way, men with beards are confident and confident men grow beards.
Unrelated public service announcement: boys, please stop shaving your torso. It’s weird and chest stubble is disgusting.
[Featured Image Credit: You Buzz]