10 Signs You Might Be A Terrible Driver

The worst drivers are the ones who believe they are the best.

I have a confession to make, friends. I am a terrible driver. I can’t help it seeing as I originally come from the great state of New Jersey (we aren’t exactly known for our road skills).

I confess, I have cut off a car or two in my day, I’ve certainly eaten Popeyes in the car while driving to work…late. And you bet your ass I have a potty mouth when I drive. But, as the say in any recovery program, acceptance if the first step. I’ve realized that it may be a problem in my life, and if you have any of the following “skills” it may be a problem for you too.

1. You can eat an entire Big Mac while applying makeup and talking on the phone: This may be one “skill” you probably shouldn’t brag about. Multitasking on the road isn’t as much of a talent as you think it is.
2. You are missing a mirror on either side (or both!): There’s only one way to lose a mirror on the side of your car and that’s by knocking it off while you eat a Big Mac and apply your makeup.
3. Your bumper is multicolor: If it’s picked up red paint from the red car, blue paint from the blue car, and yellow paint from the yellow car, this doesn’t make you an artist (though it may be a sign you’re an a**hole driver).
4. Everyone is passing you on the right: If you’re wondering why all these rude drivers keep passing you, it may be a sign that they aren’t the assholes here. Analyze the situation and consider the following graphic.

5. You think your Camry is a sports car: The more you try and convince me that your Camry is “grounded to the ground,” the more I imagine you weaving through traffic at 93 miles an hour.
6. You continuously have a light flashing low tire pressure: This is likely due to the fact that you’ve bumped more curbs and sidewalks than there are curbs and sidewalks in our entire city.
7. You have a cigarette lighter that works, but two taillights that do not: If this is the case on our car, it may be about time to sort out those priorities.
8. Your friends always offer to drive: If your friends are only too eager to sacrifice their precious gas money, it may be a sign that they value their life more than their dollars (unlike you, probably).
9. Your friends get quiet when you “joke” that you’re a bad driver: If they don’t refute your jokes about what a terrible driver you are, it’s because they feel too awkward lying to you.
10. You’ve gotten into multiple not-your-fault accidents: “I swear that fire hydrant came out of no where. Besides, who the hell sticks a fire hydrant at the end of a driveway. I swear that fender bender was not my fault.” — If this is you, it’s totally our fault.

[Featured Image Credit: jalopnik]