As Autumn comes to an end and Winter begins to draw us into its chilly embrace, we’re often left with nostalgia this time of the year.
We reminisce on the days of trick-or-treating in Halloweens past. We watch dry, scattered leaves toss themselves about the streets, playing tag as we used to do ourselves. We ponder our past while we think about the future.
This meandering down memory lane made lead us to contemplate life’s big questions: is there a God?; What is the meaning of life?; Are we alone out there?; What is the drunkest holiday in America?
Yes, it’s the significant questions such as these that we debate as the holidays once again draw near.
There are certain days each year when overindulging is more than encouraged– it’s required. Holiday cheer isn’t always the easiest sentiment to muster up on your own, but on these holidays, when the alcohol flows like water, the cheer is widespread. These are the days it’s hardest to stay sober. These are the top ten drunkest holidays of the year.
10. Super Bowl Sunday
This is literally the most American holiday of all American holidays. We gather around the television and praise commercials as much as the sporting event itself. Is there anything more complimentary to than ritual than guzzling copious amounts of alcohol?
But, it’s not the drunkest holiday…we still have work the next morning
9. Mardi Gras
Also known as Fat Tuesday is more of a series of weeks rather than an actual day if you live in New Orleans. Prior to the early 1800s, celebrations were prohibited from becoming too rowdy. Mardi Gras was about eating all the food that had been given up during Lent. But in 1823, festivities were permitted, so people began having alcoholic drinks with their copious amounts of grub. In 1973, Mardi Gras parades were banned from passing through New Orleans’ French Quarter. In the years following, tourists and drunken college students began to descend on the area.
But we’re just getting started with this list of debauchery.
8. Halloween
Any college student will probably tell you this is definitely the drunkest holiday of the year. It’s not a family holiday and there are few traditions associated with it. So, how do you spend all hallows eve? Drunk of course. Sure, the first five minutes of any party where people are dressed up as are hilarious. But then what do you do for the rest of the night? No self-respecting grownup bobs for apples. Unless they’re drunk, of course.
7. The Fourth of July
There doesn’t appear to be any historical explanation for consuming alcohol on the Fourth of July. It seems more than likely, however, that the reason hot dogs and a can of beer on Independence Day became as American as apple pie is simply that they were marketed that way. Still, fireworks are probably a lot safer when they’re controlled by sober people.
6. Derby Day
Exciting it may be, but lasting a total of two minutes, the horse race is not exactly the main event at the Kentucky Derby.
How, then, do we spend the remainder of our time on this day? Drinking, of course. Derby day isn’t just for fancy pants donning sundresses and over-sized hats. It’s also for the ho-dog-eating Bud-light-drinking rowdy crew who knows how to celebrate too.
5. Purim
There’s a reason that some non-Jews call Purim the Jewish Mardi Gras or the Jewish Halloween. The holiday, according to the Book of Esther, commemorates the salvation of the Jewish people by Esther and Mordecai in ancient Persia from the anti-Semitic official Haman.
The name of the holiday literally translates to “lots” and some celebrate by drinking lots. Though interpretations differ, the Talmud is said to require people to drink until they cannot tell the difference between the evil Haman and the good Mordecai.
4. Cinco de Mayo
Despite what some people inaccurately think, Cinco de Mayo does not mark Mexican Independence Day (that would be Sept. 16). The holiday, rather, commemorates the 1862 battle of Puebla that Mexico fought and won against the advancing French army, led by Emperor Napoleon III. But that probably makes no difference to you because you’ve been calling it “cinco de drinko” since you were in high school.
3. Thanksgiving Eve
No…really! Whether you’re sharing a glass with your extended family or your gathering around the keg with all your hometown friends, this is one of the most prominent drinking holidays that isn’t actually a holiday.
One of the biggest bar nights of the year, it finds pub owners stocking extra kegs and Wild Turkey Rye…but it’s still not the number one drinking holiday.
2. St. Patrick’s Day
Considering the stigma that goes along with the Irish, you would think St. Patrick’s Day is the number one drinking holiday. While it’s certainly an excuse to get drunk while wearing kelly green (a hue few can pull off), it is still not the best holiday for drinking.
1. New Year’s Eve
Finally, we come to the big kahuna. The number one holiday for drinking is of course, New Year’s Eve. We figure this is due to the fact that waiting around till midnight is basically a requirement and if you’re going to wait, you might as well drink while you do it.
[Featured Image Credit: Youtube]