“Do you think God gets stoned? I think so . . . look at the platypus.”
Some of us, like Robin Williams who gave us that fabulous food for thought, spend a lot of time thinking about God. Some of us probably do not. No matter your thoughts on the subject or where your religious affiliations lie, there’s probably a pretty good chance you’ve pondered God just a little.
The idea of a big guy sitting on a cloud watching everything (and I mean everything) that goes down on the ground is fodder for comedy. Whether r not God is really out there, we can’t deny that he exists in here. By here, I am referring to the internet because if you’ve ever done a Google search for God, He is very much alive online. Everybody has their own thoughts about God, including, well…God.
Here are the best tweets about God that might send you to hell (so make sure you don’t die from laughter):
GOD: How many more animals left to make? ANGEL: 2 GOD: And how many more legs do we have? ANGEL: 100 CENTIPEDE: dibs! SNAKE: asshole
— Eat Wood (@therealeatwood) June 29, 2015
Noah: Two? Why two of every animal? [God whispers in Noah's ear] Noah: nice lol
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) March 30, 2015
When I have my exit interview with God as I'm expelled from Heaven, I'm totally not holding back when I tell Him my feelings on allergies.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) November 25, 2015
"drink my blood" that's wine dude "eat my flesh" um you're weirding me out "i'm god" this is the worst going away party ever
— mustard (@nice_mustard) May 9, 2012
When God closes a door, he opens a window. And then a couple of tabs so he can toggle between various genres of porn.
— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) May 29, 2015
God's Assistant: really? Leather wings on a mouse's body? I think you're just in a bad mood. God: ALSO MAKE IT BLIND AND SCREECHING
— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) September 1, 2015
God: I call it a "kangaroo." It's like a video game deer-dog whose starting gift is a built-in pocket LOL *angels exchange worried glances*
— Winter Holiday Jason (@longwall26) November 22, 2015
Artichokes, pomegranates, and Butternut squash were all created for God's hidden camera prank show, "Good Luck Eating That."
— todd levin (@toddlevin) October 9, 2015
Anyone who asks, "Why does God let bad things happen to people" has clearly never purposefully drowned one of their Sims in a pool
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) July 28, 2015
[God creating the ocean] GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere. ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they— GOD: Make it undrinkable.
— MILTRON (@themiltron) June 8, 2015
@jonnysun GOD: welcom, my son, to my eternal kingdom ME: knew id get here heaventually GOD: that's it. get out. back to hell with u
— russell alton (@Choplogik) July 19, 2014
In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, "lemme ruin this."
— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) October 16, 2015
And, let’s not forget the words that seem to have come from God, Himself:
I've said it before and I'll say it again: the Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) November 18, 2015
One religion is right and the rest are wrong and you have to figure out what the right one is or you go to hell.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) October 14, 2015
Instead of sending you all to hell I've decided it would be easier to just send hell to you.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) October 2, 2015
He tweets His thoughts on politics:
Kanye vs. Trump is exactly what America deserves.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 31, 2015
Sometimes, God gets really deep:
I created skin to hold you together, not tear you apart.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 14, 2015
He’s even a Hipster
For the record I made women from men before it was cool.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 1, 2015
Who knew God was so social media savvy? I thought God was supposed to be my father and we all know how good parents are at “doing the Twitter.”
[Featured Image Credit: TweetOfGod]