If you’re currently busy getting your life together, that’s okay, you can simply pretend your life is all set. It’ll be our little secret nobody has to know about while you actually do get your life together.
If you want to trick yourself into thinking you’re organized:
- Pull your comforter over unmade sheets.
- Keep some air fresheners plugged into the wall to trick guests into thinking they just walked into a Parisian bakery.
- Buy a shoe rack. Focus on keeping the shoes on that rack organized. Hide the rest of the mess in your closet and draws but keep that rack more neatly stacked than a row of books.
- Put things in mason jars. Herps and spices are a bonus but you could literally stick a bunch of carrots in water and call in artsy.
If you want to appear cultured and well-rounded:
- Read one article a week. Find a way to bring it up in discussion. Tell your friends about how you read “this piece on climate change.” Memorize one statistic from the article. Pass that tidbit along to your audience.
- Own stationary–bonus if you find a matching pen.
- Turn your radio station to the Spanish channel every time you leave the car. When your guests get in and turn on the radio tell them you’re training your brain to think in new patterns. By learning a Spanish phrase a day and just listening to the noise in the background, you’re hoping to pick up on the pattern of another language.
- Bring a “homemade” dessert next time you go to a friend’s place. Brake up a few shards of dark chocolate in a bowl, throw in blueberries, cherries, strawberries, and raspberries. Tell your friends it’s an old Italian recipe.
If you want to appear more mysterious:
- Carry a book around with you that’s covered in a brown paper bag. If somebody asks you what you’re reading, simply tell them the cover was falling apart. Still don’t bother to mention what it is you’re reading.
- Next time you get invited somewhere you don’t want to go, tell your acquaintances you can’t because you have a suitor who should be calling that night.
- Buy a journal. Write mysterious phrases and quips in it unrelated to your life or anything in general.
- Carry a planner around with you. When making plans, tell people you will pencil them in. Literally, proceed to pencil them in.
If you want you dates to think you’re more put together than you are:
- Wear a matching bra and underwear set.
- When they call or text you, tell them you are just about to go into a meeting but you can call them back later. Then, continuing watching Netflix.
- Invite them over for dinner. Make pasta for them and drink wine out of real wine glasses. Light candles for extra effect.
- Buy a cat. Buy a large arm chair. Sit in the arm chair menacingly while you pet the cat.
[Featured Image Credit: Thought Catalog]