Congrats, you’ve made it to adulthood!
You have your own big boy/girl apartment. You finally live alone and it’s the best thing ever. Sure living with twenty-seven other people in a frat house had its perks, but you’re ready for “real life” to commence.
Before you eagerly plunge into the depths of the real world and living alone, be warned, a few weird things happen when you live on your own.
1. Cleanliness isn’t as important as it used to be.
The only person who cleans anything around here is you. You’re also the only person who cooks anything, or does laundry. When is everybody else going to start picking up their weight. Oh…wait
Pulling your own weight for yourself is actually fairly difficult when it comes to cleaning. Even when you live alone, you never realized just how dirty everything gets all the time. Your roommates and parents may have contributed significantly to the mess in your previous home, but they also cleaned up yours a lot of the time. If it was an even partnership you also cleaned up theirs.
2. Possessions start to gain multiple uses.
For the sole purpose that you don’t want to have to clean 27 forks, knives, and spoons later, you will leave one spoon on the cutting board all week and basically use it for everything from ice cream to cake.
The same philosophy applies for other household items too. It’s also not bizarre for you to do a load of laundry consisting entirely of socks, which you leave in the dryer for one solid week.
3. You start doing things naked.
How do you expect anybody else to love you if you aren’t willing to love yourself in all your glorious nakedness. If you pay the rent, then go for it (and even if you don’t, who’s going to stop you).
Cooking naked is cool. Doing yoga naked is cooler. Cooking bacon naked is the fodder of nightmares. You tried that once…once.
4. You begin to talk to yourself
Like…a lot. It may be bordering on schizophrenia or a personality disorder. You never used to do this because what if your roommates heard? But then you got tired of containing the crazy and you started muttering to yourself.
Now, you talk to yourself all the time. Your roommates aren’t around anymore to listen to your problems and neither are your parents. Somebody has to listen to you.
5. Necessities stop being necessary
Thanks to your new budget, things you used to consider essential have simply become preferable. Things are less of a requirement. For example, expensive razors have been replaced with store brand razors and you try to draw out their life as long as possible. Thank goodness the winter is coming.
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