![Image Credit: Stan & Jan Berenstain]()
If you didn’t grow up going on adventure with Brother Bear and Sister Bear, you missed out.
The Berenstain Bears were a charming family invented by writers, Stan and Jan Berenstain. This creative couple wrote the classic hits like, The Berenstain Bears and Too Much TV, which taught us the importance of having interests outside of the boob tube. Other classics like, The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Pressure told us about what happens when we don’t have any balance in our lives.
If your mother was like Mama Bear, she probably insisted that your family gathers in the living room each night not to watch TV, but to read The Berenstain Bears together, which is exactly what my family did almost every night.
As a result, my brother and I grew up learning the quaint lessons of life. For example, strangers can be dangerous, but that doesn’t mean we should be afraid of everybody. Likewise, if we eat too much junk food, we might be cranky and unhealthy.
I stopped reading The Berenstain Bears quite a number of years ago, however, I still find myself wondering what kinds of adventures they would go on today if Brother Bear and Sister Bear grew up to be urban Millennials living at home. Therefore, I present to you the adventure of The Berenstain Bears all grown up and the adventures they go on:
1. The Berenstain Bears & Too Much Social Media
Sister Bear creates her first Instagram account. She begins bringing her phone to the dinner table, shooting photos of Mama Bears home-cooked meals.
At first, Mama Bear is annoyed, however, once she sees the attention that Sister Bear is getting on Instagram, she begins to post pictures on her Facebook status. She writes posts like, “Feeling so #Blessed that my Apple Rose Cupcakes look just as good as I knew they would. Love trying the DIY projects.” She begins to spend a lot of time on Pinterest too and starts to neglect things like making dinner.
Meanwhile, Brother Bear discovers Tinder which results in him bringing strange young bears to the tree house. Brother Bear gets more and more absorbed with taking selfies so he can post them to Facebook, and then put them on Tinder, which results in him meeting more young bears.
The family stops talking over dinner, and they pay too much attention to their phones all the time.
Finally, when the tree house goes 3Gs over its data limit, Paper Bear gets fed up and yells, “enough is enough,” in his big booming bear voice. He takes the family’s cell phones and throws them in the river. He then buys everybody a small flip phone and the family talks about their “unbearable” behavior. They learn to limit the amount of social media they consume and go fishing as a family.
2. The Berenstain Bears & Sister Bear Makes Friends With Molly Bear
Sister Bear makes friends with a new bear in town, Molly Bear. The two bear cubs want to go to Bear County’s three-day music festival where they can meet other young grizzly’s and expand their horizons.
Mama Bear is put off by the idea but agrees in the name of music. After all, Mama Bear was once young and crazy too before she began wearing a muumuu and shower cap all day, everyday.
Brother Bear decides to go with them because he’s very drawn to Molly Bear.
At the Bear County festival, they listen to a group called “GRiZ“zly Bear and Molly Bear runs off with a group of hoopers, leaving Brother Bear and Sister Bear alone. It begins raining and the two are stranded because they came with Molly Bear.
To teach Brother Bear and Sister Bear not to be reckless next time, Mama Bear makes them walk home in the rain and mud. Sister Bear never talks to Molly Bear again.
3. The Berenstain Bears & The Case Of Fast Fashion
Mama Bear decides to step outside of her muumuu and goes shopping at Abearcrombie and Fitch, to see if she can find anything hip. She finds a few sweaters that she really likes that are fairly cheap. She buys some clothes for herself and then buys some things for Sister Bear and Brother Bear too.
However, Mama Bear quickly finds herself too caught up in shopping. After the stint at Abearcrombie, she starts finding deals at H&M and Target that are super cheap. She brings Papa bear shopping with her one day. He likes shopping at Big & Tall (although he has trouble finding overalls there).
The two get caught up in looking for deals and eventually start shopping too much. Meanwhile, Sister Bear recently watched a Netflix documentary about the dangers of fast fashion and who really pays.
The whole family sits around the television set and learns from the documentary. As a result, they start shopping at thrift stores, which don’t contribute to fast fashion.
4. The Berenstain Bears & The When Mama Bear Literally Can’t Even
Driven to the edge by Papa Bear’s absent-minded role in the family and and Sister Bear’s issues with drugs, and Brother Bears lack of attention and presence, Mama Bear begins to crack. She feels like she can’t hold the family together anymore. Brother Bear wants less and less to do with them and the other two have become like a leech sucking the life out of her.
Mama Bear starts drinking peach schnapps every night in secret, but it doesn’t stay a secret. She gets increasingly more depressed, lays on the couch all hours of the day, and stops attending her knitting club.
As a result, the family falls apart more, and with each issue that arises, Mama Bear gets worse and worse.
Finally, she has a mental breakdown, cracks under the pressure of holding the family together, and downs an entire bottle of aspirin. The family rushes her to the emergency room and commits her to a facility where she can recover.
They talk through their issues with a therapist that charges $150 an hour and check Sister Bear into rehab too. In the end, the learn the moral that the great American bear dream of having 2.5 kids and a white picket fence will often lead to depression and drug addiction.
[Featured Image Credit: Stan and Jan Berenstain]
