It’s time to have a serious talk, kiddies.
No matter the kind of relationship you are in, it doesn’t compare with how great that relationship could be if your partner was Taco Bell.
Maybe my thoughts on the subject are slightly radical and maybe I’ve been dating the wrong kinds of people, but no man has ever satisfied me quite as much as TB. When it comes to the meat department, most men just don’t measure up to the triple steak stack (sorry, gents).
Taco Bell will always be there for me in ways men have not. Here’s why I’d rather be in a relationship with Taco Bell any day of the week.
1. It’s Saturday night (at 1am) and you’re drunk. Who you gonna call?
You could reach out to that guy you met at the bar, but chances are his ass is drunker than yours. You could try to coax him into coming over to your place for a mediocre hookup, or you could have guaranteed satisfaction in the form of triple cheesy goodness.
2. Taco Bell offers a unique array of personality traits you’ll never find in your partner
I know I don’t have to specify what I’m talking about. Taco Bell is both sweet and spicy. It’s comforting and sexy. It is naughty and nice.
No matter what tastes your pallet longs for, Taco Bell has a taste that can satisfy.
3. Taco Bell is financially considerate
Taco Bell will never make you stretch your budget too far. You’d be pressed to find yourself on an inconsiderate date with that cheesy goddess. She will never take advantage of your good nature by ordering an item on the menu worth market price.
Instead, Taco Bell is aware of your humble budget and takes it into consideration when the two of you do go out on a date.
4. Taco Bell is not afraid to try new things
If Taco Bell created Doritos Locos Tacos, they’re proving they’re willing to stir things up and step outside its comfort zone. Whether it be taking risks on a business venture or a spontaneous road trip, TB would be game. And if you’re looking to shake things up in spicier realms, Taco Bell would be game with that too.
5. Taco Bell is always willing to improve the bland with a pop of flavor
Certain aspects of the relationship feeling bland? Bam! Have some mild sauce! Still too weak? Boom! Here’s hot sauce! Need warmer? Thwack! There’s Fire sauce! Feeling blue today? Ka-pow! Salsa verde, now you’re green. Taco Bell is not just there for you physically, it is there for you emotionally too.
6. Taco Bell willingly informs you of its whereabouts
You never have to worry about Taco Bell giving you the silent treatment, nor do you have to worry about it sneakily going behind your back. Taco Bell won’t be clingy either.
Taco Bell is the cool significant other who’s all like, “hey girl, go out and have a good time with your friends. When you’re ready for me, I’ll be waiting for you on the corner of 9th and 2nd. If you choose to go uptown, I’ll be waiting for you there too. Wherever you want me, I’m there, babe. I’ll even wait up for you until 1am or later.”
7. Taco Bell is sexy and you know it!
‘Nuff said
[Featured Image Credit: 95 Rock FM]