15 Red Flags You Are Dating A Narcissist

Contrary to popular belief, narcissism has little to do with vanity.

Sure, the Millennial generation is commonly criticized for being a bunch of lazy narcissists just because we don’t want to spend the prime of our life sitting behind a desk and choose to use that time post selfies instead. While it may appear that vanity on social media is a form of narcissism, it commonly falls more into the category of simply being insecure or seeking validation.

True narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a type of personality disorder that had roots tracing back to childhood. Amber Salvador, a clinical psychologist at Sharp Mesa Vista Hospital, says narcissism has to do with a lack of empathy for others combined with over-estimating ones own importance. Typically, psychologists have said it results in children who were given many material possessions, but didn’t receive love or support from their parents.

About 1% of the population today suffers from NPD, and if you can relate to the following, then congratulations, you have dated the 1%:

1. The number one red flag of dating a narcissist is how they sweep you off your feet: You fall for them quickly and find yourself doing things you typically wouldn’t under ordinary circumstances. They love you like nobody has ever loved you before and you find yourself quickly aligning your personality and ideals with theirs.
2. They seem too good to be true: The narcissist will present to you not only their ideal self, but they show you the ideal of what a relationship should be…you think.
3. They want to know everything about you: This person will be extremely interested in you right from the start. They want to know everything about you from your interests, and your childhood, to your dreams. Narcissists will make you feel safe and want to be honest sharing because you feel like you could easily trust them. They will even share a little bit about their own past and their own issues, luring you into a false sense of security.
4. Narcissists appear to have a lot of friends: However, they’re bad at keeping them around for a long time. They go through friendships quicker than you go through underwear.
5. Narcissists are also constantly going through relationships: They may say that the relationship ended a long time ago, but really they’re constantly getting in and out of a relationship. They repeat old patterns as they quickly dive into new situations and leave a trail of tears in their wake.
6. They make you feel like a million bucks: A narcissist will show you off to everybody they know like you are the gem in their collection. They make you feel like you are the epitome of all things great as they lull you into a false sense of security. Beware of anybody who wants to introduce you to their friends too quickly.
7. Narcissists are very forceful sexually: The way they are attracted to you will make you feel irresistible while also giving you a weird feeling in your gut. Narcissists are categorized by their intensity and you will feel like they can’t get enough of you. They’re forceful and they’ll try to wear down your will within the first date or two. Similarly, you will feel an unparalleled sexual connection with them making it easy for them to wear down that will.
8. They tend to move a lot: Narcissists are usually between jobs, just starting a new job, or new in town. They have difficulty sticking to one place and often find themselves lost in the throes of change.
9. Their failures are always somebody else’s fault: A narcissist will blame the world for why they don’t have money, a job, or a car. It has nothing to do with their own poor choices; they just happen to be the victims of circumstance. Narcissists are bad at taking accountability.
10. Their ex-boyfriends or girlfriends are often a psycho: If somebody is quick to harshly judge, condemn, or slander their ex, they may be a narcissist. Every relationship has its baggage but if they are too quick to spill their former lover’s lag, it’s a serious red flag.
11. They may have had one “minor” indiscretion in the past: They’ll own up to cheating once or twice, but defend themselves and tell you it was completely acceptable. They may even be skilled enough with their words that you fall for it and say, “yeah, that seems legit.”
12. They appear naive: Narcissists make you feel confortably safe. They want you, all of you forever and falling for them is the safest thing in the world.
13. They emphasize the future very early: They put emphasis on your communal plans for the future without really asking you about it. They simply assume you’re going to be down and chances are you will be. They also use words that join the two of you, merging your separate identities. For example, they say “will we be taking the car or the truck” rather than, “will we take my car or your truck.”
14. They are very quick to fall for you: They will tell you very early on that they love you, that you’re unlike anybody you have every known, and that you are a beautiful snowflake of individuality that makes them feel whole. RUN DON’T WALK!
15. When they’re done, they’re gone: When you fail to conform to a narcissist’s idea of what they want you to be (which you always will), they purposely hold you at a distance. They cut you off, sever communication, and “punish” you. When they do come around again (and trust me they will), they bring flowers and make you feel those intense butterflies all over again. They do this so that you will not confront them again and because they want to keep you in line with the idea of their ideal partner.

Narcissists are exciting and they’ll sweep you off your feet before you even notice they brought a broom. If you happen to fall for a narcissist, I wish you luck. By the time you realize they’re a narcissist, it’s already too late.

[Featured Image Credit: San Diego Union-Tribune]