I’ve been having this problem lately.
Whenever I talk to somebody, I always try to look them in the eyes. For a long time, I was a mouth-starer, one of those people who watches the way your mouths moves when you talk, rather than looking you in the eyes. However, I have lately been distracted by another facial feature: eyebrows.
Whenever I find myself talking to a pretty girl (or at least one who wears makeup), I’m incredibly distracted by her eyebrows. I see the straight line drawn an inch above the cornea, dark shadowing caressing the brow bone, and then a tiny point, often wrapping its way past where the natural brow ends.
Typically, this encounter ends with me saying something like, “I’ll take a chocolate shake too. Oh, and can I get some eyebrows with that?”
The Tomboy in me will never understand why ladies do their eyebrows.
It is an anomaly I can’t wrap my mind around. Waking up every morning is difficult enough for me, but drawing matching curves onto my face (which are destined to look uneven in my case), is a feat I will never achieve. I’ve even tried doing my eyebrows. Once.
Some ladies understand makeup and know how to do weird things like contour their faces and draw their eyebrows until they are properly “on fleek.” Unfortunately, I am not one of those girls.
If you have any of the following characteristics, there may be a chance you have not achieved fleek status either:
You’ve never been able to do winged eyeliner either: IF you manage to get the left eye right, forget about matching the other to it. You likely screw both up and then you have to start all over.
You Instagram your cat more often then yourself: Mr. Fluffy is too presh to not take a million pictures of him. How can I resist showing Fluffers to the world?
You hate Taylor Swift: The bullsh*tter in me wants to tell you that there is a direct correlation between people who hate Taylor Swift and those who cannot do their eyebrows. Studies have even been carried out with a 3% margin of error. (But seriously, can we get a sociologist on this one? I swear there has to be accuracy in this claim.)
You don’t like clickbait: you read it (duh). You just don’t like it.
You’re impatient: I’m the queen of impatience. If I send you a text message, I want you to respond yesterday. I do not have the discipline to tediously draw on my eyebrows each morning and make sure they match.
[Featured Image Credit: Frida Kahlo]