When it comes to checking the balance in your bank account the struggle is hashtag real.
Okay, my young millennial, it’s that time of the week again. It’s been a busy few days and you haven’t checked your bank account in a while. Instead, you’ve cloaked yourself with the cover of denial and peer pressured yourself into doing anything that doesn’t involve checking your online account.
But, it’s been too long. Life could easily be spiraling out of control. You can’t remember how much you spent at brunch on Sunday, you had to buy textbooks yesterday, and rent will be due soon. You might have even blown $20 on drunk food last night (you really can’t remember). It’s time to strap on those big-boy pants, rummage through your courage hidden in the closet, and check your bank account balance.
1. Denial
“What’s the worst that could happen?” you say to yourself as you open a new tab on your computer. You’re sure there’s plenty of money in there. You haven’t been impulsively buying things you don’t need (much). That exfoliating Savannah loofah you bought from the luxury spa probably wasn’t that expensive.
You build up the courage to take the plunge into your bank account. You hold your breath while you step from the blissful embrace of warm ignorance onto the chilly precipice of knowledge.
2. Anger
It turns out the embrace of ignorance was a lot more comfortable than awareness. How dare your favorite brunch place charge you THAT much for endless mimosas. Don’t they know brunching is a significant part of your social life? Without it, your life would be reduced to nothing but conference calls and loud bars in which real conversation couldn’t take place.
And the textbooks?! When did textbooks get so expensive? The classes themselves cost less than the actual books. You’re furious with how this turned out. You thought it might be bad, but you were not prepared for this kind of careless draining of your bank account. Who could have possibly let this happen?
3. Bargaining
Okay, you’re starting to realize this might be your fault. You didn’t need to buy the expensive exfoliating Savannah loofah and if you return it you’ll get some of that money back (except you can’t return it. You already used it).
Maybe, if you ask for extra hours at work you’ll make enough to cover the rent. You’re going to have to give up fancy Sunday brunch, but you can still go out to dive bars on Saturday nights cause those are cheap enough.
4. Depression
The more you ponder the significance of your careless actions, the more you realize you have goofed hard. You not only have to give up brunch and loofahs, you also have to give up the dive bar, Netflix, and eating (okay let’s not get too extreme here. You don’t have to give up Netflix. That’s too extreme–but eating has to go).
Not only will your social life whither away and slowly collapse in the dirt, your actual body will too. This is the worst thing that’s happened to you since Zayn Malik left One Direction. You crawl up on the cold couch (because you can’t afford blankets), while you cry tears of sorrow without any tissues (because you can’t afford those either), and hold your breath (because you can’t even afford oxygen).
5. Acceptance
Maybe this isn’t the worst thing to happen since sliced bread. Maybe, you’ll just have to learn to cope and pinch your pennies a little bit better next time. You’ll pick yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on. Instead of ordering late night munchies, you’re going to learn to cook. Instead of spending money on expensive nights at the bars, you’re going to socialize by grabbing coffee with a friend. And for goodness sake, no more brunch!
*BONUS: Careless Hedonism (This is next month’s problem)
Actually, screw that! Tonight is ladies night at McHebe’s. I can just charge it all to my emergency credit card and take care of it next month. That won’t cause me any problems, right?
[Featured Image Credit: Shutter Stock]